Lesson One: The Adult and the Child Within
A journey toward wholeness, healing, and self-awareness
Before we dive deeper into this work, I want to share a little of my own story because this journey isn’t theory for me. It’s lived truth.
My Story: The Split Between the Child and the Adult
For a long time, I didn’t realize I was living divided my Adult self-running on survival mode, and my Inner Child buried under years of pain. I wore masks of strength, independence, and control, but underneath was a frightened child who had learned that being unseen was safer than being hurt.
Somewhere along the way, that disconnection became unbearable. I didn’t have language for trauma back then I just knew I felt hollow inside. I searched for comfort in all the wrong places: people, chaos, substances, and escape. Alcohol and drugs weren’t the problem; they were the symptoms the ways I numbed the ache of abandonment, fear, and unworthiness. Like so many of us, I was trying to quiet the child inside who was crying for love, safety, and belonging. Recovery, for me, began the day I stopped trying to silence her and started listening.
That’s when I began this work.
What Is Inner Child and Inner Adult Work?
You are the sum of every moment you’ve ever lived. Every joy and heartbreak, every triumph and loss all of it shaped you. These parts of you, though distinct, are woven together into one being called You. Inner Child and Inner Adult work is about remembering the forgotten parts of yourself meeting them, naming them, listening to them, and bringing them back into harmony. It’s about integration not perfection.
Why This Work Matters
When we lose touch with our inner child, we also lose touch with innocence, curiosity, and self-trust. When the adult within us is disconnected, life feels ungrounded, reactive, fearful, or chaotic. This work brings awareness to all parts of you. It reveals where wounds began the “who, what, when, and where” of your original hurt so that you can acknowledge it, feel it, and finally let it go. Awareness is the key that unlocks healing. Through it, you become whole mind, body, and spirit no longer split between the past that shaped you and the present that calls you forward.
How Disconnection Happens
No one sets out to hurt their children. Parents usually do the best they can with what they know. But when pain and trauma go unhealed, they’re passed down like invisible heirlooms. Most of us were raised by adults who were still wounded children themselves. Separation begins early often between ages three and seven when a child first feels unseen, unsafe, or unloved. That’s when the split occurs: the inner child hides to survive, and the inner adult takes control to protect. The result is a life driven by old defense mechanisms perfectionism, people-pleasing, addiction, anger, or avoidance.
We think we’re managing life, but really, our unhealed child is still managing us.
Why You May Not Remember
You were too young to understand, yet the body remembers what the mind forgets. Every unspoken emotion, every moment of fear, every unmet need, all of it lives in the subconscious, where your inner child still waits to be seen.
How to Begin Reconnecting
Healing begins with awareness.
Notice your reactions. Pause before judgment. Ask yourself:
- “Where is this coming from?”
- “Is this truly about now, or about then?”
- “What part of me feels unseen right now?”
When you do this, you’re inviting your child and your adult to meet each other again with compassion.
Meet Your Inner Adult
Your Adult Self is wise, grounded, and responsible. They hold the lantern, guiding you through the dark without fear. They take accountability and offer safety. They are the protectors, not the punisher.
Meet Your Inner Child
Your Child Self is your original essence creative, playful, open, and pure. This is the part that laughs freely, loves deeply, and still believes in magic. But it’s also the part that remembers pain, rejection, and loss. This child needs to know that your Adult Self is finally here safe, present, and capable.
When They Reunite
When your adult and child reconnect, you begin to live from wholeness. You make decisions from love, not fear. You feel more grounded, more joyful, more at peace. The world feels less like something to survive and more like something to experience.
How This Changes Your Life
Personally: You’ll respond instead of reacting. You’ll set healthier boundaries, release people-pleasing, and experience relationships rooted in truth, not trauma. You’ll rediscover joy and self-love.
Professionally: You’ll carry confidence instead of insecurity. You’ll express yourself with clarity, communicate with compassion, and no longer allow others to dictate your worth.
How to Love Your Inner Child into Wholeness
- Talk to them.
- Listen deeply.
- Validate their feelings.
- Reassure them that it wasn’t their fault.
- Teach new coping skills.
- Offer affection, laughter, and play.
Your Adult Self must become the safe home your Inner Child has been searching for all along.
A Closing Reflection
The path of reconnection isn’t about fixing what’s broken, it’s about remembering what’s sacred.
The little one inside you has been waiting, not for perfection, but for presence.
And your Adult Self wiser now, braver now has the power to meet them there, in the light of awareness, and finally say:
“You’re safe now. You’re seen. You can come home.”
A Note Before You Go
Each Monday, I’ll be sharing a new lesson in this Inner Child & Inner Adult series a continuing path of awareness, healing, and self-connection.
Every lesson will include a few reflective questions to help you pause, think, and feel more deeply into what’s unfolding within you.
These questions aren’t assignments, they’re invitations.
They’re meant to help you listen to your own wisdom, notice your patterns, and begin reconnecting with the parts of yourself that have been waiting to be seen.
Take your time with them. Let them speak to you throughout the week.
Healing isn’t a race, it’s a rhythm.
And every Monday, we’ll walk a little further together toward wholeness.
“Don’t rush to fix or figure it all out just notice. Awareness itself is the first act of healing.”
Creating a Safe Space for Healing
As you move through these lessons, emotions may rise to the surface memories, sensations, even tears you didn’t expect. That’s not regression; that’s release. Healing asks you to feel what you once had to bury. So first and foremost, create a space where you feel safe to be with yourself.
Find a quiet spot, your favorite chair, a warm bath, a park bench beneath the trees somewhere you can breathe, ground, and listen inward. Safety doesn’t mean the absence of discomfort; it means having tools to meet what comes up with compassion and awareness.
Here are a few ways to support yourself when the emotions feel strong:
Reach Out for Support
If at any point this work stirs overwhelming feelings, reach out for help. A licensed mental health professional, counselor, or trauma-informed therapist can hold space for what’s too heavy to carry alone. Healing isn’t meant to be done in isolation sometimes the bravest thing you can do is ask for help.
Journaling
Keep a journal dedicated to this journey. Let it be your sacred container a place to pour out thoughts, questions, and breakthroughs without censoring yourself. Writing gives your Adult Self a way to witness your Child Self with gentleness and clarity.
Breathwork & Grounding
When intensity rises, slow your breath. Try inhaling deeply for a count of four, holding for two, and exhaling for six. Feel your feet on the ground, your body supported by the earth. Breath tells your nervous system, “I’m safe now.” (YouTube has a vairety of breathwork and grounding videos).
EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique / Tapping)
EFT is a powerful tool for calming strong emotional responses. Using your fingertips, gently tap on specific acupressure points while speaking compassionately to yourself for example:
“Even though I feel this sadness (or fear, anger, grief), I deeply and completely accept myself.”
Tapping helps release the emotional charge while allowing energy to move through rather than get trapped. It’s a dialogue between your body and your spirit one that says, I am allowed to feel, and I am safe while feeling. ( You can find EFT vidoes on YouTube).
Creative Expression
Art, music, dance, or even coloring can help you express what words cannot. Let your inner child lead here, they often speak in color, movement, and play.
Rest and Stillness
After emotional release, let yourself rest. Healing takes energy. Curl up, hydrate, nap, or meditate. Rest is recovery it tells your body the storm has passed.
A Loving Reminder
You’re not broken for feeling deeply you’re healing.
The emotions surfacing are old messengers finally being heard.
You are safe, supported, and guided every step of the way.
Reflection Questions: Meeting the Child and the Adult Within
- When was the first time I remember feeling unseen, unheard, or unsafe?
(What did that younger version of me need in that moment?) - How do I comfort myself when I’m hurting now — and where did I learn that pattern?
(Does it feel like coping or like connection?) - When I feel triggered, who shows up first — my Child or my Adult?
(What does that tell me about where I’m still healing?) - What are three things my inner child still longs to hear?
(Write them as affirmations you can return to all week.) - Where in my life do I overcompensate — trying to prove I’m capable, worthy, or “okay”?
(Whose voice am I trying to silence or impress?) - What emotions do I tend to dismiss or hide because they feel “too much”?
(How might those feelings actually be my inner child asking for attention?) - What does “safety” look and feel like to me now?
(Can I create small rituals or environments that feel safe to both my child and my adult?) - How often do I allow myself to play, create, or rest without guilt?
(What would happen if I did that more often?) - What is one way my Adult Self can show up for my Child Self this week?
(A kind word? A boundary? A promise kept?)
If my Inner Child could speak freely right now, what would they say to me?
(And can I listen without judgment?)
All the Love
Monique
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